Let Go

At that time I pleaded with the Lord: "Sovereign Lord, you have begun to show to your servant your greatness and your strong hand. For what god is there in heaven or on earth who can do the deeds and mighty works you do? Let me go over and see the good land beyond the Jordan-that fine hill country and Lebanon."
But because of you the Lord was angry with me and would not listen to me. "That is enough," the Lord said. "Do not speak to me anymore about this matter. Go up to the top of Pisgah and look west and north an dsouth and east. Look at the land with your own eyes, since you are not going to cross this Jordan. But commission Joshua, and encourage and strengthen him, for he will lead this people across and will cause them to inherit the land that you will see."
So we stayed in the valley near Beth Peor.
Deuteronomy 3:23-29

Moses wanted to go to the promised land across the Jordan, but God only allowed him look at the promised land and commanded him to commission Joshua as a new leader.

We listen to a lot of anology about God's design.
For instance, Pastor Zimmerman said we are the models in God's fashion show.
God knows what would bring out the best features of each model and knows what clothes would fit the best for each model.
Every model has their best-fit design and walks on the runway.
The designer,God, comes out at the end and gets all the praise.

Moses wanted to lead the people into the promised land. He has endured many struggles from the start.
He led God's people for more than 40 years... He waited and served for more than 40 years, believing that God will deliver His people and His promise in His time.
Finally the time had come... but it wasn't Moses that God had in mind in leading the people into the promised land.
God had Moses to lead the people TO the promised land for more than 40 years, but He had Joshua to lead the people INTO the promised land.
Moses was to pass on the baton to Joshua... and Moses obeyed.

If I was Moses, I would be devastated... upset... angry...
I would start begging God to allow me to enter the promised land.
I would start listing all the things that I've done and endured for God in the past years.
And then soon would come to my senses and realize none of the things that have been done weren't by me; they were all done by God.
There isn't anything that I've really done.
It was about God from the very beginning. It was never about me.

A fashion show is never about models. It's about the designer.

It's hard to accept that things I want to do weren't meant to be for me.
It's hard to let go of my desires.
It's hard to distinguish what I want/desire is either driven by divine intervention/conviction or by selfish motivation.
A lot of times it's easy to sink into our own instincts and fall into thinking that 'this must be God's direction' ...

Some people told me they hear God's voice.
I haven't heard God's voice, but God communicates with me in different ways.
I try to follow where my heart feels rest and peace even if it's not what I want, because I learned that that is where God is leading me.

Letting go of my desires will get harder and harder; it will never become easy.
But I must constantly remind myself of our heavenly Father and His faithfulness.
Because I believe in His faith and design, I must let go of myself.

Until I can proclaim, "Jesus, you are my only desire, all I need" from the bottom of my heart,
my struggle within myself will continue every moment of my life.
But I continue with faith in Him.
Because it is the VICTOR of everything who strengthens and loves me.