The sudden death of Kim Jong-il has triggered a deluge of early commentary and analysis on what this may mean for North Korea and the region. The North Koreans themselves are of course the people who will be affected most by this development, but the voice of the North Korean people has been severely lacking. While the regime has always been comprised of much more than one man, the death of the leader does usher in a new period of increased uncertainty for the North Korean people.
It is impossible to go inside North Korea to interview the people regarding their true feelings on the situation. However LiNK has spoken with refugees who have recently left the country. It should be noted that North Korean refugees cannot be considered to be necessarily representative of the general population, as the majority have come from border regions and therefore their views may be different from those living in Pyongyang or elsewhere.
LiNK works on the ground helping North Korean refugees who have escaped into China, bringing them out through a 'modern-day underground railroad' to its shelter in Southeast Asia where refugees can then seek safe resettlement in third nations. Prior to Kim Jong-il's death, we had interviewed refugees who came through our shelter on their attitudes towards the succession. Some of the refugees had left North Korea as recently as November 2011. Over the past few hours we have contacted further refugees for their comments and thoughts upon hearing about Kim Jong-il's death.
North Korean Refugees on the Succession:
"Some North Korean people believe that if Kim Jong-un takes over North Korean politics, he will be even worse than his father."
"Kim Jong-un has been presented to us by the state media as a military figure."
"Of course, people think badly of the succession. How could you think it is a good thing? The Government is not providing the people with any kind of standard of living."
"The North Korean people just hope to live in freedom and to live well."
North Korean Refugees' Reaction to the Death of Kim Jong-il:
"The North Korean people will currently be putting on feigned shows of sadness. This is very different to the death of Kim Il-sung. Kim Il-sung founded the country and the people think that he did a lot for them. Times have been hard during Kim Jong-il's reign. People have woken up and are much more aware of the reality of the country and the leadership now. People will outwardly be showing sadness but inwardly they will feel very differently. The people fear that anything but the required show of sadness could get them killed... The most likely outcome of the succession is that Kim Jong-un will continue in the same mold as his father."
- Shin Jong-wook, M, 20.
"This is not a happy or a sad event for me. But it is a big moment. This will be a shocking moment for the North Korean people. But there will not be as much grief as when Kim Il-sung died. Of course, people will have to pretend to be sad, and people may get caught up in the atmosphere, but it is not true sadness."
- Kim Moon-soo, M, 21.
"I worry about what this will mean for my relatives back inside and for the North Korean people. I fear that the relatives of defectors will be persecuted more. They are closing the markets and there are bound to be a lot of staged political events, so for the people that are already struggling things are going to get even harder."
- Park Yun-joo, F, 31.
"I didn't feel anything in particular when I heard the news. But I am worried that my family in North Korea will suffer because of the change in leadership."
- Lee Sunghee, F, 39.
"It was a big surprise. I don't know what the next leadership will be like, so its a big worry. Some people will be sad because the leader of the country has died. That is normal. But some people will probably be glad that he has died."
- Park Il-hyung, M, 37.
"I don't care that Kim Jong-il is dead. In North Korea now, the norm dictates that everyone has to cry. But people don't have any positive feelings towards Kim Jong-il. The majority of people will be faking their tears."
- Nam Gum-sook, F, 19.
"If you don't cry in North Korea after the leader dies, then you could come under suspicion as being against the Government. Then you have to live with that label and suspicion for the rest of your life."
- Kang Bohee, F, 21.
Notes for Editors:
LiNK (Liberty in North Korea) works to redefine the North Korea crisis, while providing emergency relief to North Korean refugees and pursuing an end to this crisis. LiNK is the only grassroots organization in North America dedicated full-time to the North Korea issue.
The names of refugees have been changed to protect their identities and ensure the security of relatives still inside North Korea.
LiNK cannot provide contact details for North Korean refugees to outsid e agencies.
For further information:
Sokeel Park
LiNK Research and Policy Analyst
Tel: +1-310-212-7190
Twitter: @linkglobal
All rights reserved to LiNK (Liberty in North Korea)
http://www.linkglobal.org/
+I did not write this. I simply copy and pasted the email I've received from LiNK.
More more information, please click on the link to LiNK website above.
Because I am done with my finals...
As of 11:30 AM on December 22, 2011, I finally became a free (wo)man from my first semester back.
Of course, my final would be scheduled on the last day of final week,
so while everyone else left early or played after their finals, I joined their company with guilty conscience ... instead of studying (oops!)
Anyways, it is finally done.
Nothing hanging loose, some perhaps tied with stronger knots than others,
but life goes, and here I am with my 15-inch screen computer (oh, HOW I MISSED YOU!)
Lately I've been thinking how much I've become more aware of myself.
Growing up entails so much of learning about yourself; but it's really hard to not become self-centered in the process that you lose your surroundings or friends.
The more I become aware of who I am and my natural tendencies towards certain things, weaknesses and strong points,
I become more convinced that even though humans are very simple beings, we cannot simply be caterogically classified as one type.
and how difficult it is to be a well-rounded person; or even a meaning of a well-rounded personality.
One of the things that I noticed about myself, and maybe others as well, is how inexpressive we become as we grow up.
I babysit two children when I come home and they love to tell me about what they did or what their mother did during the day.
Some of the things they share with me are things that I felt like T.M.I., haha, but who doesn't love to hear about other people's lives? heh. x]
I think I learn to filther things out before I speak or share.
I learn what is appropriate to share and talk about in certain setting, with certain types of people, depending on the characteristics of occasions, and etc.
We become more innate rather than expressive at times? at least I see that a lot from myself.
I remember this quote from one of my all-time favorite classic cartoon, Red Haired Anne,
when she talks about how she doesn't chat as much as she used to after she grows up.
She said that we learn to keep "jewels" in our hearts instead of just spilling them out -not exact quote, but you get the idea.
It's a pretty romanticized idea, but definitely doesn't apply to all our cases when we decide not to speak or share.
It's ironic that I consider myself inexpressive when I also consider myself as a blunt/too honest person.
I know those two are paradoxical, but this is why I think we cannot be just categorized into one type of classification that we like to do sometimes.
We just love to generalize things; who likes to complicate things when this world is already complicated enough?
One of the "side effects" of my "silence" I noticed is that I forget my position/situation.
I just don't express it and it just sinks in so deep, that I forget about them.
I like to enjoy myself with little petty matters that I face like the "average" college students deal with while I'm in college, and forget about what going on at home.
When I got home, I realized college has been a means of escape from my home-reality.
Actually... I think I always knew it is, but I just didn't bother to acknowledge it to myself.
But then again, home is also my "shelter" on earth.
I know I'm not making sense right now, but trust me, I always confuse myself when I start thinking about things like this.
I really don't mean to complicate things; I think the answer is simple and things are not as complicated as I make them to be, but I just like to think things through "out loud" into some kind of tangible forms of communication.
All these doesn't matter, not so much to what we make them to be.
The more I think about it, more I remind myself that Christmas is in a couple of days.
Final exams really drifted me away from enjoying this time of advent and celebration for the day of Jesus Christ...
Listening to Christmas carol really didn't lift up the mood for me and I know it's probably because there's been just too many thoughts and prayers that just brought me down a bit,
but I think it's time for me to cheer up and set my eyes on the eternity again.
It's so difficult to have eyes of eternity.
For my Christmas gift, I would like to get a pair of glasses with eternity-perspective prescription on them.
Pretty please? :]
Merry Christmas!
PS HAHAHA I love how this post doesn't have a clear focus, but just flow... stream of consciousness? meh.
I'm not a good writer. That's been established fact long ago. WHEEEEE!
I Pray by Stream of Praise
I recently found a Chinese praise group in California, US.
They had some of their praise translated in Korean, and I really like their praises.
Although I don't speak Chinese and I rely on translations, there's something that makes me click on the replay button to listen to it once more.
The lyrics is beautiful and I am so desperately in need of Him.
I Pray by Stream of Praise
Translations I found from SOP youtube:
I pray for I am nothing.
I pray for I clearly know I need to seek Your will as it's shown to me.
I pray for I am searching.
I pray for Your love is what I need.
On my knees, through the valleys, You walk with me.
Some things I only wanna let You know because no one loves me like You, my Lord.
Though tears of pain may fall out, You're with me I have no doubt.
As day breaks Lord I wanna cry to You, because You so love me, You'll pull me through.
The strength that I need I receive every morning, Your grace is all I need.
Literal, and supposedly more accurate translation from youtube comment:
Chorus:
I desire to share some things only with You, because You are the one who loves me above all
Tears of sorrows flow down, but I know You are there to comfort me.
In the morning I want to say to You Lord Jesus: I want to live this day for you
You give to me all my daily needs, Your grace is sufficient for me.
Mid-year Report 2011
It's already the end of June.
I just realized half of a year has already passed and thought about how much I've changed compared to the beginning of 2011.
Unfortunately I'm at a age when I won't experience any physical growth (Just 3 more inches?).
Oh well, I've come to just accept myself as a short-legged asian girl. Move on! xP
I know I've changed and (hopefully)grown spiritually and mentally...
It's definitely not something new, but I thought it wouldn't be a bad idea to write a mid-year "report" evaluating about the past 6 months.
Lots of things happened in the last 6 months,
so this list mainly consists of what I remember and of what I've recently realized.
Few changes I noticed about myself recently:
1. I'm becoming girly?
My dad has been recently ACTIVELY expressing his concerns about my tomboy-personality.
My mom used to not care as much as my dad did, but now she sometimes joins in.
He's been always a protective father type, but since I turned 20's, he's been talking about how the guys that I meet will most likely think about marriage, and blah blah blah, and therefore, I should be an attractive woman for my future husband? (Huh? what?)
Anyways, I didn't notice it, but it seems my parents' occassional nagging is finally working in me.
I (secretly?) enjoyed looking at blogs about fashion before. I used to just look at coordinations of different designs and colors though.
I now notices coordinations of accessories, shoes, hairstyle too? LOL
I don't think I significantly changed from before and act girly like a typical preppy girl...
but I admit that I've definitely gotten more interested in girly things like cooking, fashion, and other girly things(?).
I feel silly writing this. I think I might delete this post after few days. LOL
2. I've gotten stupid.
Since I've been away from school for 6 months and haven't done much of academic works(oops...),
I feel like I act loopy all the time.
I used to be silly when I'm tired, but now I'm JUST SILLY all the time, especially around my brother.
My brother told me, "You are embarassing..." and "I really think your IQ went down."
and now he doesn't listen to my advice, because I'm no longer a reliable, "somewhat smarter than he is" sister.
I am now stupider than I was before.
I'm very sad. I will be back after I cry a little bit in the corner.
3. Giving myself a chance(s) to think about other possibilities?
This pertains to what I want to be in the future/what I want to major in.
Frankly I haven't made any decision or changes yet, but I did find new intersts: sunday school and health policy.
I haven't really felt a strong conviction in neither of them yet though,
but I'm definitely look at them with an open mind unlike treating them as unthinkable possibilites.
4. I sleep too much.
I used to go to bed around 3 AM. Now I get tired when it's after midnight.
Yes, things have changed. I took a nap today, so I think I can stay up a little longer.
5. I can't speak English.
I speak English with Korean accents, but apparently my accent is stronger now.
People can still understand me though. sigh.
6. Jesus is not a religion.
Christianity isn't a label.
Being a christian is being in a relationship with Jesus Christ.
That is all I am going to say about this in this post.
These are all I can think of at the moment.
Few things haven't changed though:
1. I still have a love-and-hate relationship with the humanity (LOL)
2. I still love my hoodies and sweatpants. It's getting hot though. I miss my colorful hoodies!
3. I still am a bad cook.
4. I still have short hair.
5. I still am very forgetful (actually possibly gotten worse!)
I just realized half of a year has already passed and thought about how much I've changed compared to the beginning of 2011.
Unfortunately I'm at a age when I won't experience any physical growth (Just 3 more inches?).
Oh well, I've come to just accept myself as a short-legged asian girl. Move on! xP
I know I've changed and (hopefully)grown spiritually and mentally...
It's definitely not something new, but I thought it wouldn't be a bad idea to write a mid-year "report" evaluating about the past 6 months.
Lots of things happened in the last 6 months,
so this list mainly consists of what I remember and of what I've recently realized.
Few changes I noticed about myself recently:
1. I'm becoming girly?
My dad has been recently ACTIVELY expressing his concerns about my tomboy-personality.
My mom used to not care as much as my dad did, but now she sometimes joins in.
He's been always a protective father type, but since I turned 20's, he's been talking about how the guys that I meet will most likely think about marriage, and blah blah blah, and therefore, I should be an attractive woman for my future husband? (Huh? what?)
Anyways, I didn't notice it, but it seems my parents' occassional nagging is finally working in me.
I (secretly?) enjoyed looking at blogs about fashion before. I used to just look at coordinations of different designs and colors though.
I now notices coordinations of accessories, shoes, hairstyle too? LOL
I don't think I significantly changed from before and act girly like a typical preppy girl...
but I admit that I've definitely gotten more interested in girly things like cooking, fashion, and other girly things(?).
I feel silly writing this. I think I might delete this post after few days. LOL
2. I've gotten stupid.
Since I've been away from school for 6 months and haven't done much of academic works(oops...),
I feel like I act loopy all the time.
I used to be silly when I'm tired, but now I'm JUST SILLY all the time, especially around my brother.
My brother told me, "You are embarassing..." and "I really think your IQ went down."
and now he doesn't listen to my advice, because I'm no longer a reliable, "somewhat smarter than he is" sister.
I am now stupider than I was before.
I'm very sad. I will be back after I cry a little bit in the corner.
3. Giving myself a chance(s) to think about other possibilities?
This pertains to what I want to be in the future/what I want to major in.
Frankly I haven't made any decision or changes yet, but I did find new intersts: sunday school and health policy.
I haven't really felt a strong conviction in neither of them yet though,
but I'm definitely look at them with an open mind unlike treating them as unthinkable possibilites.
4. I sleep too much.
I used to go to bed around 3 AM. Now I get tired when it's after midnight.
Yes, things have changed. I took a nap today, so I think I can stay up a little longer.
5. I can't speak English.
I speak English with Korean accents, but apparently my accent is stronger now.
People can still understand me though. sigh.
6. Jesus is not a religion.
Christianity isn't a label.
Being a christian is being in a relationship with Jesus Christ.
That is all I am going to say about this in this post.
These are all I can think of at the moment.
Few things haven't changed though:
1. I still have a love-and-hate relationship with the humanity (LOL)
2. I still love my hoodies and sweatpants. It's getting hot though. I miss my colorful hoodies!
3. I still am a bad cook.
4. I still have short hair.
5. I still am very forgetful (actually possibly gotten worse!)
Short-sightedness
About three months ago, I wrote a post, "Let Go", meditating on Deuteronomy Chapter 3 where God finally shows the Promised Land to Moses, but forbidden him from entering the land.
Brief Recap of "Let Go" post, my short-sighted meditation on chapter 3:
I wondered and thought about how Moses would've felt after all those years leading the stubborn, disobedient, and unfaithful Israelites.
I wrote about how it must have been devastating and upsetting for Moses, and how difficult it is to "let go" of our desires.
I finally read the last chapter of Deuteronomy and it really brought new perspective.
I realized the moment when he stood on the Mt. Nebo was probably the most beautiful and amazing moment in his life.
To use the direct quote from my QT devotional:
"Before Moses dies, the Lord shows him the Promised Land. It is more beautiful than he could have ever imagine dand it is the evidence of God's faithfulness to His people. It is also a hallmark moment fo rthe man of God, human in every sense of the word, but righteous and humble in the very best ways. What an awesome moment for Moses! No one knows what exactly happened on Mount Nebo, but we can imagine God showing Moses the land and telling him, 'well done, good and faithful servant.' It is a testament of a life well-lived." Living Life
My short-sightedness only focused so much on OUR selfish perspective;
I thought about how devastating it must have been for Moses to obey.
But I think for Moses, God's grace and faithfulness was sufficient, and he had set his eyes for the greater and higher things.
I'm not saying it was easy for Moses to just obey -again, we can only imagine;
but Moses knew that the peace and joy in obedience to God outweighs temporary worldly "satisfaction" you get from following selfish desires.
I focused on the sacrifices he made in obedience, but Moses focused on the joy in obedience.
I was short-sighted and only saw despair, but Moses saw the eternity and was joyful.
So many of us are short-sighted and look for sources of temporary success and happiness,
but Moses set his eyes on the eternity and marched forward in faith for the eternal prize in heaven.
Moses went from prince -> fugitive -> shepherd -> prophet.
He's had an EXTRAORDINARY life with many twists and turns, but his journey had an amazing end with God's providence and guidance.
It's important to note his spiritual growth in obedience and faithfulness even though all the glory goes to our Father in heaven.
"Since then, no prophet has risen in Israel like Moses, whom the Lord knew face to face, who did all those signs and wonders the Lord sent him to do in Egypt-to Pharaoh and to all his officials and to his whole land. For no one has ever shown the mighty power or performed the awesome deeds that Moses did in the sight of all Israel." Deuteronomy 34:9-12
Humbled. Challenged. Once Again.
Totally irrelevant to the content of this post:
*I used to find OT very difficult to read, but I started to enjoy reading the OT recently.
I can't wait 'til I finish the OT! I'm so excited.
**WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MAN!
I used to say this for fun last year... somehow I remembered that phrase while writing this post about Moses LOL.
Just throwing it out there. haha.
Brief Recap of "Let Go" post, my short-sighted meditation on chapter 3:
I wondered and thought about how Moses would've felt after all those years leading the stubborn, disobedient, and unfaithful Israelites.
I wrote about how it must have been devastating and upsetting for Moses, and how difficult it is to "let go" of our desires.
I finally read the last chapter of Deuteronomy and it really brought new perspective.
I realized the moment when he stood on the Mt. Nebo was probably the most beautiful and amazing moment in his life.
To use the direct quote from my QT devotional:
"Before Moses dies, the Lord shows him the Promised Land. It is more beautiful than he could have ever imagine dand it is the evidence of God's faithfulness to His people. It is also a hallmark moment fo rthe man of God, human in every sense of the word, but righteous and humble in the very best ways. What an awesome moment for Moses! No one knows what exactly happened on Mount Nebo, but we can imagine God showing Moses the land and telling him, 'well done, good and faithful servant.' It is a testament of a life well-lived." Living Life
My short-sightedness only focused so much on OUR selfish perspective;
I thought about how devastating it must have been for Moses to obey.
But I think for Moses, God's grace and faithfulness was sufficient, and he had set his eyes for the greater and higher things.
I'm not saying it was easy for Moses to just obey -again, we can only imagine;
but Moses knew that the peace and joy in obedience to God outweighs temporary worldly "satisfaction" you get from following selfish desires.
I focused on the sacrifices he made in obedience, but Moses focused on the joy in obedience.
I was short-sighted and only saw despair, but Moses saw the eternity and was joyful.
So many of us are short-sighted and look for sources of temporary success and happiness,
but Moses set his eyes on the eternity and marched forward in faith for the eternal prize in heaven.
Moses went from prince -> fugitive -> shepherd -> prophet.
He's had an EXTRAORDINARY life with many twists and turns, but his journey had an amazing end with God's providence and guidance.
It's important to note his spiritual growth in obedience and faithfulness even though all the glory goes to our Father in heaven.
"Since then, no prophet has risen in Israel like Moses, whom the Lord knew face to face, who did all those signs and wonders the Lord sent him to do in Egypt-to Pharaoh and to all his officials and to his whole land. For no one has ever shown the mighty power or performed the awesome deeds that Moses did in the sight of all Israel." Deuteronomy 34:9-12
Humbled. Challenged. Once Again.
Totally irrelevant to the content of this post:
*I used to find OT very difficult to read, but I started to enjoy reading the OT recently.
I can't wait 'til I finish the OT! I'm so excited.
**WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MAN!
I used to say this for fun last year... somehow I remembered that phrase while writing this post about Moses LOL.
Just throwing it out there. haha.
Nella Fantasia [In my Imagination]: Sung Bong Choi
His name is Sung Bong Choi.
As you can tell from the subtitles in the video, he's had an "extraordinary" life.
English translation of Italian lyrics of Nella Fantasia:
In my imagination I see a fair world,
Everyone lives in peace and in honesty there.
I dream of souls that are always free,
Like the clouds that fly,
Full of humanity in the depths of the soul.
In my imagination I see a bright world,
Even the night is less dark there.
I dream of souls that are always free,
Like clouds that fly.
In my imagination there exists a warm wind,
That breathes on the cities, like a friend.
I dream of souls that are always free,
Like clouds that fly,
Full of humanity in the depths of the soul.
I listened to him again as I read the translations.
I don't know if he knew... I'm not an expert on vocal, so I don't know if his technique is good.
But regardless his knowledge or skill, I think there was a story when he sang.
Song that his heart sang, wished to be heard and wished to tell, not just to others, but to himself as well.
I admire his strength in singing a song, lyrics of hope and dreams, despite the struggles he's had since his childhood.
He really puts many of us in shame and shows how unappreciative we are.
As my parents always prays, we are so fortunate family to have each other to love and to be loved, and to have a home where we can go back to.
However, we shouldn't think about our situation in comparison to his as if we have it better than he is in every aspect.
It is true that I am more fortunate than he is by the standard of societal happiness,
but I want to say he is richer than I am, because he has a more determined spirit, stronger heart with resilience that only experience can build, and countless blessings God gave him through many struggles in his life.
I think we all share the same sentiment about him, so that is probably why he is an inspiration for many rather than a subject of pity and sympathy.
As Sung Bong explained in his video, he passed the test for elementary and middle school education, and got into an art high school. In the original film, he actually explained that even though he went to an art high school, he couldn't get a proper private lessons for many reasons. The edited video, which I've posted, has a part when he explains he would go to classes and just listen.
Apparently after this show was aired, some people questioned the sincerity and the truth about what Sung Bong's story and pointed him as a liar.
The producers of the show explained and announced the public that it was the editing that created this confusion and decided to air the original uncut audition for Sung Bon Choi.
They ended with an apology and concern for Sung Bong that hope he's not hurt by this controversy.
I believe this controversy is somewhat resolved after the public announcement and apology from the producing team of the show, but there are still people who are skeptical and see Sung Bong as a liar who partnered up with the producers and made up a story for the ratings of the show.
I personally think this was all the producers of the show and think they should take more cautions in editing the film.
I hope this controversy will resolve and that he will continue on a pursuit of his passion.
I admire his courage to share about his life and to give himself a chance.
In Korean cheer, Fighting! Sung Bong Choi! 화이팅! 최성봉!
*I didn't realize that street gum-selling things like that isn't as common in America as it is in Korea (Well, it's not so common in Korea either, but people know what it is. One of my friend who is not familiar with Korea asked me that question, so I thought I would clarify).
To give you a quick example of what it's like: he is like a modern living Oliver Twist or the Little Match Girl.
It's not so much different from being a beggar.
They would sell a pack of gum for 10 cents near the subway stations, asking people to buy one.
There is not much story about him that's been publicly released (and I really hope the media wouldn't use him for such purpose),
so I can't provide anymore information than this.
Blessings
"Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God! I will praise Him again - my Savior and my God!"
Psalms 42:11
Blessings by Laura Story
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
I will put my hope in God! I will praise Him again - my Savior and my God!"
Psalms 42:11
Blessings by Laura Story
Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise
Let the Waters Rise
It's a praise that I've really wanted to share for a long time.
I finally post it now.
I usually like to post a video with lyrics in it, but I liked the Bible verses in this video.
SO LET THE WATERS RISE IF YOU WANT THEM TO. I WILL FOLLOW YOU.
Don't know where to begin
It's like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?
Sometimes it's so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go where You want me to
God, I trust You
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will swim in the deep
'Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach
God, You know where I've been
And You were there with me then
You were faithful before You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand
God, Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God, Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You
I finally post it now.
I usually like to post a video with lyrics in it, but I liked the Bible verses in this video.
SO LET THE WATERS RISE IF YOU WANT THEM TO. I WILL FOLLOW YOU.
Don't know where to begin
It's like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?
Sometimes it's so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go where You want me to
God, I trust You
There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will swim in the deep
'Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm and the calm of the sea
You're never out of reach
God, You know where I've been
And You were there with me then
You were faithful before You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand
God, Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God, Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You
Lent: 1 John 4:19
"We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19
Time flies.
White cherryblossoms on my street are blooming and in about a week or so, they will all turn into green.
Soon we will switch from heater to AC for our home and parents will sigh with relief about saving money from turnign off the heater.
This winter felt longer and colder than the other winters I've had.
Weather was gloomy and it snowed alot as well, but also a feeling of a bit of discomfort and of God's overwhelming Words and convictions may have made this winter slightly different from the ones I've had.
I've decided to give up facebook for Lent in order to focus on my relationship with God.
I actually have been lazy with facebook this year, but I knew it's one of the websites I probably waste my time the most for no reason...
I didn't come on my blog either, if I remember correctly.
Naturally my time on computer decreased and I definitely had more time for reading.
Start wasn't too good.
I had a hard time disciplining myself to sit down and read the Bible and a christian reading that I've started awhile back.
I knew I've been lazy with my personal reading lately and I need Him so much.
As I struggle to get back into my prayer life and regular reading, He was good to me as always and revealed so many parts of my heart that I need to work on.
The biggest thing is Love.
God's been revealing how much unloving person I am for quite awhile now...
and it's still something that I think I get it, but lose it in a day or so.
I moved a lot since I was young, and after meeting many different people and dealing interesting, if you will, situations,
I've learned that people comes and goes, and I eventually stopped really trying to open myself upto others.
I've had best friends, but I was usually a listener, not a talker.
I wasn't really a quite person, but I seldom talked about things that are deep inside of my heart with others.
I've been told that I'm sort of a happy-go-lucky person, and I agree with that too.
I don't like the awkwardness between people, so I tend to talk a lot sometimes to break the ice if I have to.
I'm sometimes very cut-throat about relationship with people too;
I draw a line about how deeply I'm going to be a friend I think I could be with a person after getting to know them a bit more.
I think I do this unconsciously after experience unpleasant troubles, trust issue, and betrayals by a few used-to-be best friends from the past.
That was all in Korea, so anyone who reads this... I'm not talking about you.
And after coming to US, my view on relationship with people got even more dull and insensitive?
Even after I become best friends with people, if situation arises, I think I can be very cold-hearted.
Since I know I will meet so many different kinds of people throughout my life, I've learned that there's no relationship that's everlasting here, so I think I lost my interest in making efforts into making connections or maybe attachments to people or the places.
My experience during the first year in US wasn't quite pleasant or exciting and I was 13 years old at the time.
Although I've anticiptated some common problems of immigration before I've made my decision to come to US, there were many things about America, people, and life that I wasn't quite ready for,
and it hit me a bit harder than I could take,
so as my unconscious defense mechanism, I've created my own method to protect myself and that resulted in my "restricted" relationship with people.
I figured if I keep a certain distance from the start until the end, I wouldn't get hurt, or at least the pain would be less.
My parents raised me to be an independent character; as my mom says sometimes, "a person who can survive even when he is thrown into a desert"...
Well, I'm not independent to that extreme, but... I guess you get what I'm trying to say.
I'm really shamed to admit and share this, but I was content in what I considered to be a pretty balanced life between academics, self-interested activities, and social aspects in my life during my high school.
I even thought I'm walking the path of righteousness with God at times.
What a fool...
I just read a post by my friend from college *cough Jennifer Chou cough*
and she was talking about how sometimes we are like a fish in a fishbowl.
Well, isn't that just me?
A fish swimming, being happy in his own little world of perfection...
Then God placed special people in my life in college.
They are all very unique in their own way and made all kinds of impacts on life, haha.
A lot of my friends from freshman year were homesick... and although I listened and talked to them,
I couldn't quite share the same feeling they were experiencing.
I like new things and college was definitely a new challenge. I was more excited than homesick.
I had been like this throughout my life I think.
I sort of lived a life without a permanent home, always out and about, looking for something new to spark my interest.
During that time, whenever I read the Bible, it would all seem like every verse is saying the same thing and I got bored very often.
The idea of prayer meeting and daily QT was new to me in my freshman year.
I liked to pray... more than reading?
It's later on that I learned I can't really pray without His words living in my heart.
One by one, piece by piece, God slowly removed the pieces in my "perfect" fishbowl,
and it was definitely a call for perseverance and humbling,
then I finally found my home in Him.
But the curse of our human memory is, no matter how much of a big lesson and impact God makes on our lives,
we are so forgetful.
I slowly forgot the lessons little by litte, and got distracted by the visible problems and issues in my life.
I prayed for wisdom and after praying, I realized I need to spend more time with God.
So I spent most of my time on my own in my fall semester of my sophomore year.
I needed God's wisdom, not people's advice; I needed God's guidance, not people's presence.
When He finally answered me and showed the place I need to be for the spring semester,
for about two or three days, I went really idle.
But He brought me back to Him and I've decided to spend my spring semester at home.
For the first month or so, it was ok.
God made it clear of the things and the works He wanted me to do at my church,
and the area of my life that I need to work on.
But as usual, I started slacking... then the season of Lent started.
During Lent, God brought me closer to my coworkers.
He allowed many opportunities for me to share my faith and get closer to my coworkers.
There were some times when they asked me a question about church, but every time He granted me wisdom to share.
Brought up in an asian family where respect is very important, I am rarely comfortable around adults.
All of my coworkers except one are much older than me, and I had hard time talking to them.
But through Lent, God gave me courage and opened my heart and theirs.
There's one lady who used to be in a motorcycle gang back in 70's and 80's.
She told me about her experience in riding a motorcycle and going around the US(from east to west) three times, meeting people, communicating with them, learning from them, and just her life-time experience from the trips.
She's a very amiable person and very honest.
She's not ashamed to share and admit the mistakes she's made in the past.
She's also very loving person; working in an oncological surgeon's office perhaps wasn't exactly the ideal job for her...
Not only her, but my coworkers are so generous. Not all of them are christians and that's why I felt stronger conviction to share my faith.
I don't really force the opportunity, but God has certain opened the ways for me to share.
He also revealed to me that loving people isn't just about caring for them.
How can I say I love them without praying for them?
Then He revealed to me how precious each and everyone of these people that He's placed in my life.
I've always thought since people come and go, I don't need to really become close to people...
In fact, a lot times it's more convenient that way, but that wasn't it at all.
It's true that people come and go; the only unchanging and everlasting relationship I could ever had is with God alone.
But because my time on earth is temporary and the time I have with these people God placed in my life is so limited,
I need to make more efforts and endure painful perseverance if I must to love these people that God placed in my life.
Despites my pleasant and unpleasant feelings for them, it doesn't change the fact that God has placed them and allowed them in my life for a reason,
and therefore these people are gifts from God.
Jesus Christ even took a human form and came down to earth to set us an example to follow.
He loved us. He loves us. His love endures forever.
If our perfect and highest Father paid so much price for our sins out of His amazing love for us,
how an a lowly creation like myself cannot humble myself to love and serve others?
I've been meditation on this throughout Lent, and many times my heart was unsettled and heavy with the weight of my sin...
then to think that even that weight of sin I feel was only limited by my imagination, it almost killed me inside.
Countless times I've nailed Him on that cross and then it really brought me to my knees.
I gave up few more things for Passion Week...
and surely enough, He opened my heart to confess my sins once again and called me into His presence once again.
and He reminded me 1 Thessalonians 3:12,
"May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other for you."
I really like this verse... but God reminded me this verse once more, so that I can love more.
But formost, I must love God in order for His love to overflow from me.
Love Him, put Him as my first and highest... only then I can love the people and myself He loves so dearly.
Then on Easter night, I thought about it and prayed...
How can I say and thank God for His amazing love and act like I love Him,
when there is no love in my heart?
More than often times, it's easier to dislike people than to really love people.
Everyone's imperfect and everyone can't always fit my needs.
That's why I need His love in my heart, because without His love, I can't truly love them.
His love is too amazing and too big for my small heart to contain, so naturally it will overflow.
It's always my pride and selfishness that creates hate before the love.
Then in the middle of prayer, I couldn't go on anymore.
He reminded me of how many people and times I've hurted others and how neglectful I have been about my faults...
How can I pray, praise, and reiterate the passion of His love without action...
In midst of distress and when I started feeling overwhelmed again, He reminded me of the teaching from Good Friday service.
There was a Good Friday service at my church.
Since I'm a Sunday School teacher, I was with children and our youth pastor.
Our youth pastor came from Korea not too long ago, so I translated his message...
He said every week should be Easter.
It is through Christ's resurrection that we have hope of eternity and His love.
Even the world only celebrates Easter once a year,
our heart should always be reminded of the hopeful message from His resurrection every day, if not every week.
The scripture reading for Easter Sunday and the Passion Week devotional from ACF scripture were the same coincidentally.
It just showed how important His resurrection is.
I think until this year, Easter was just another occasion and mostly emotionally driven times.
God's teaching is always so humbling.
There are still so much more I need to work on to love my Father and His people.
God's been putting many people in my prayers. It's difficult at times.
But love would never be so difficult if I wouldn't let my pride and selfish desires in the way of His overflowing love.
This year's Lent was actually the first time I've actually given up something for Him,
and yes, I love my heavenly Father and thank Him for His love and His saving grace.
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
John 16:33
My favorite version of "I am Free" by Newsboys. Narration in this version = LOVE and Passion
"For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace."
Romans 6:14
I pray that we can all live in His love and hope from His resurrection every day.
Happy Easter, again! :]
Christ is risen and will always be!
Let Go
At that time I pleaded with the Lord: "Sovereign Lord, you have begun to show to your servant your greatness and your strong hand. For what god is there in heaven or on earth who can do the deeds and mighty works you do? Let me go over and see the good land beyond the Jordan-that fine hill country and Lebanon."
But because of you the Lord was angry with me and would not listen to me. "That is enough," the Lord said. "Do not speak to me anymore about this matter. Go up to the top of Pisgah and look west and north an dsouth and east. Look at the land with your own eyes, since you are not going to cross this Jordan. But commission Joshua, and encourage and strengthen him, for he will lead this people across and will cause them to inherit the land that you will see."
So we stayed in the valley near Beth Peor.
Deuteronomy 3:23-29
Moses wanted to go to the promised land across the Jordan, but God only allowed him look at the promised land and commanded him to commission Joshua as a new leader.
We listen to a lot of anology about God's design.
For instance, Pastor Zimmerman said we are the models in God's fashion show.
God knows what would bring out the best features of each model and knows what clothes would fit the best for each model.
Every model has their best-fit design and walks on the runway.
The designer,God, comes out at the end and gets all the praise.
Moses wanted to lead the people into the promised land. He has endured many struggles from the start.
He led God's people for more than 40 years... He waited and served for more than 40 years, believing that God will deliver His people and His promise in His time.
Finally the time had come... but it wasn't Moses that God had in mind in leading the people into the promised land.
God had Moses to lead the people TO the promised land for more than 40 years, but He had Joshua to lead the people INTO the promised land.
Moses was to pass on the baton to Joshua... and Moses obeyed.
If I was Moses, I would be devastated... upset... angry...
I would start begging God to allow me to enter the promised land.
I would start listing all the things that I've done and endured for God in the past years.
And then soon would come to my senses and realize none of the things that have been done weren't by me; they were all done by God.
There isn't anything that I've really done.
It was about God from the very beginning. It was never about me.
A fashion show is never about models. It's about the designer.
It's hard to accept that things I want to do weren't meant to be for me.
It's hard to let go of my desires.
It's hard to distinguish what I want/desire is either driven by divine intervention/conviction or by selfish motivation.
A lot of times it's easy to sink into our own instincts and fall into thinking that 'this must be God's direction' ...
Some people told me they hear God's voice.
I haven't heard God's voice, but God communicates with me in different ways.
I try to follow where my heart feels rest and peace even if it's not what I want, because I learned that that is where God is leading me.
Letting go of my desires will get harder and harder; it will never become easy.
But I must constantly remind myself of our heavenly Father and His faithfulness.
Because I believe in His faith and design, I must let go of myself.
Until I can proclaim, "Jesus, you are my only desire, all I need" from the bottom of my heart,
my struggle within myself will continue every moment of my life.
But I continue with faith in Him.
Because it is the VICTOR of everything who strengthens and loves me.
But because of you the Lord was angry with me and would not listen to me. "That is enough," the Lord said. "Do not speak to me anymore about this matter. Go up to the top of Pisgah and look west and north an dsouth and east. Look at the land with your own eyes, since you are not going to cross this Jordan. But commission Joshua, and encourage and strengthen him, for he will lead this people across and will cause them to inherit the land that you will see."
So we stayed in the valley near Beth Peor.
Deuteronomy 3:23-29
Moses wanted to go to the promised land across the Jordan, but God only allowed him look at the promised land and commanded him to commission Joshua as a new leader.
We listen to a lot of anology about God's design.
For instance, Pastor Zimmerman said we are the models in God's fashion show.
God knows what would bring out the best features of each model and knows what clothes would fit the best for each model.
Every model has their best-fit design and walks on the runway.
The designer,God, comes out at the end and gets all the praise.
Moses wanted to lead the people into the promised land. He has endured many struggles from the start.
He led God's people for more than 40 years... He waited and served for more than 40 years, believing that God will deliver His people and His promise in His time.
Finally the time had come... but it wasn't Moses that God had in mind in leading the people into the promised land.
God had Moses to lead the people TO the promised land for more than 40 years, but He had Joshua to lead the people INTO the promised land.
Moses was to pass on the baton to Joshua... and Moses obeyed.
If I was Moses, I would be devastated... upset... angry...
I would start begging God to allow me to enter the promised land.
I would start listing all the things that I've done and endured for God in the past years.
And then soon would come to my senses and realize none of the things that have been done weren't by me; they were all done by God.
There isn't anything that I've really done.
It was about God from the very beginning. It was never about me.
A fashion show is never about models. It's about the designer.
It's hard to accept that things I want to do weren't meant to be for me.
It's hard to let go of my desires.
It's hard to distinguish what I want/desire is either driven by divine intervention/conviction or by selfish motivation.
A lot of times it's easy to sink into our own instincts and fall into thinking that 'this must be God's direction' ...
Some people told me they hear God's voice.
I haven't heard God's voice, but God communicates with me in different ways.
I try to follow where my heart feels rest and peace even if it's not what I want, because I learned that that is where God is leading me.
Letting go of my desires will get harder and harder; it will never become easy.
But I must constantly remind myself of our heavenly Father and His faithfulness.
Because I believe in His faith and design, I must let go of myself.
Until I can proclaim, "Jesus, you are my only desire, all I need" from the bottom of my heart,
my struggle within myself will continue every moment of my life.
But I continue with faith in Him.
Because it is the VICTOR of everything who strengthens and loves me.
Love is Here
I don't have favorite praise song?
They all touch me in one way or the other.
I listen to praise when I find myself unable to focus in my prayer/QT, when I'm distracted, ... etc. haha.
Sometimes it's playing in the background when I'm working or sleeping. hehe.
There are so many songs I want to share,
but for tonight, I chose this song.
I was browsing my music files to pick a song for my church youth group praise this Sunday.
This is my pick for this week...
Because His love is here. always. any time. anywhere.
God is working in people's hearts in my church.
I'm such a fortunate person to be able to witness and take part in His wonderful work at my church.
Not just at my church, but really... He works everywhere.
Sometimes my heart is overwhelmed... and torn at the same time because of His love.
Yes, His love is here. in my heart. everywhere.
They all touch me in one way or the other.
I listen to praise when I find myself unable to focus in my prayer/QT, when I'm distracted, ... etc. haha.
Sometimes it's playing in the background when I'm working or sleeping. hehe.
There are so many songs I want to share,
but for tonight, I chose this song.
I was browsing my music files to pick a song for my church youth group praise this Sunday.
This is my pick for this week...
Because His love is here. always. any time. anywhere.
God is working in people's hearts in my church.
I'm such a fortunate person to be able to witness and take part in His wonderful work at my church.
Not just at my church, but really... He works everywhere.
Sometimes my heart is overwhelmed... and torn at the same time because of His love.
Yes, His love is here. in my heart. everywhere.
From the beginning 'til the end
Happy New Year! Welcome 2011!
Ever since I came to America... so since the year of 2003, I've always welcomed the coming of new year at church.
Year of 2011 is not an exception.
Thank you Father for letting me celebrate your grace and love at your house.
Midnight Vigil: He is Our Beginning and End.
Philippians 1:3-11
Another year for His work in our hearts to be glorified.
Let's not give up no matter what this year brings us, because He doesn't give up on us.
Bring it on 2011.
I believe <3
Ever since I came to America... so since the year of 2003, I've always welcomed the coming of new year at church.
Year of 2011 is not an exception.
Thank you Father for letting me celebrate your grace and love at your house.
Midnight Vigil: He is Our Beginning and End.
Philippians 1:3-11
Another year for His work in our hearts to be glorified.
Let's not give up no matter what this year brings us, because He doesn't give up on us.
Bring it on 2011.
I believe <3
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